Dateline Jason's Desk -- During a routine desk cleaning, a sudden avalanche of papers and magazines engulfed science fiction author Jason Sanford today, trapping him for several minutes.
"I was truly fortunate," Jason said. "I was buried by those science fiction magazines which have already published my stories. Thankfully, that's a tiny, almost insignificant pile and I was quickly able to dig my way out."
While scientists agreed that Jason had a close call, fears of an additional collapse continue to grow. "While Jason is correct that his pile of acceptances isn't big enough to pose a threat of bodily harm to anyone," avalanche expert Ivana Falls said, "his nearby mountain of rejection slips is another matter."
This mountain of rejection, easily reaching several stories in height, is the accumulation of all the smashed dreams from Jason's writing career. Included among the rejections are the elusive six-year rejection letter, the rejection from the editor who ridiculed Jason's personal hygiene even though the two of them had never met, and the rejection from the scammers at the International Library of Poetry, which accept every poem sent their way but made a special exception for Jason's writings.
"Yeah, that rejection pile scares the heck out of me," Jason said. "If it collapses, I'd easily be crushed beneath the oppressive, humiliating, ego-crushing weight of years of rejection."
As of the filing of this report, there is no word on what Jason plans to do with the stack of checks he's received for his stories. But according to Ivana Falls, this stack poses no threat. "I mean, we're talking about a writer who only publishes short stories. How much money could be in that check pile? Five dollars? Maybe ten at most?"
This reporter shared a cruel chuckle with Falls before setting off for the hospital's burn ward to poke fun at the survivors of the most recent literary flame war.