Egobooing with Google Instant

The new Google Instant search engine system is supposed to save people 2 to 5 seconds per search as it predicts your search query as you type. The predictive system is also supposed to "guide your search" as you type. What this essentially means is that Google not only attempts to read your little mind, they also plant commercially exciting ideas in your frontal lobe.

Now as we all know, many people turn to Google for egoboo, where we fluff up our egos by searching for people talking about us. Well guess what--with Google Instant you can now egoboo yourself all extra creamy by seeing which letter of your name causes you to pop up in Google.

Here's how it worked for me. I started typing my name--J...A...S...O...N--and dang, nothing. Jason Mraz? What the hell is Jason Mraz doing popping up first under my given name? Is he now the Jason archtype? Is he really what people are looking for most often when they Google Jason?

Okay, maybe that wasn't good egoboo. But you know, I can live with not popping up as a first name Madonna or Oprah celebrity in Google Instant. I mean, who cares that I'm not among the ten most important Jasons in Google's search index? Does it matter that I rank below even Jason Hoppy.Wait a moment. Jason Hoppy? Okay, that actually hurt.

Even though my ego is now a little more fragile, I keep trying with Google Instant. J...A...S...O...N...S...crap. Still nothing. And great. I now discover I rank below Jason Sayat of Kingsdale Gynecologic Associates.

J...A...S...O...N...S...A...nope, still nada. I now rank below Jason Sadler, who wears t-shirts for a living and "has always been creative."

At this point my ego is pretty much shattered. But unable to accept egoboo defeat, I type J...A...S...O...N...S...A...N and finally, I pop up. But only after Jason Santa Maria, an f'in graphic designer. Aw hell. How can I face the world when I rank below a graphic designer? (Quick note: As one who does f'in graphic design, I am allowed to make editorial comments regarding the low regard the world places on graphic designers.)

And there it is: My results at egobooing the new Google Instant.

My advice before you egoboo with Google Instant--don't do it unless you are a true celebrity. Google Instant is a harsh ego buster. You might be better letting Google simply read and influence your mind, and keep it far away from your ego.