Adapted from the story "Rumpelstiltskin, Private Eye" by Jason Sanford. Permission is given for schools to perform this play. See notice at bottom of play for complete permission information.
Summary:
Rumpelstiltskin is a private eye trying to unravel the mysterious disappearance of the miller's daughter, who can supposedly turn straw into gold. Along the way, Rumpelstiltskin discovers a scheme to cheat the king out of his gold.
Presentation Suggestions:
The narrator is an important role; when the narrator describes an action (such as kicking imaginary straw into the air) the other characters should be acting out the action. In addition, much of the action of the story takes place around a desk and two chairs. The desk is labeled "tree," "castle," and so on, depending on where the scene is taking place. Make sure that someone is always responsible for changing the signs as the scenes change.
Props:
An empty soda can, two glasses, several small plastic bags full of paper, a gold-painted coin, a radio, paper badges for Happy and the other guards (optional), a handkerchief, along with signs labeled "tree," "moat," "castle," "spinning wheel," and "sewer pipe." The play will also need two chairs and a desk at the front of the stage and several desks pushed end-to-end at the back of the stage.
Delivery:
Rumpelstiltskin should speak like a cocky TV detective. The Captain should be condescending to others.
Characters:
Rumpelstiltskin, Private Eye
Narrator
Miller
Miller's Daughter
Captain of the Guard
Happy
The King
Two guards
Radio announcer
Various wedding guests
Rumpelstiltskin, Private Eye
(Scene: Rumpelstiltskin's office. Consists of two chairs and a desk.)
Rumpelstiltskin: (To the audience) The name on my door says it all--"Rumpelstiltskin, Private Eye." I'm the one people turn to when they're in a jam. That crazy wolf who blew down those pig's houses--I caught him. When Jack stole the giant's golden-egg-laying hen--I tracked him down. 'Course, things don't always go so smoothly. Take my last case. What started out as a good mystery almost ended with me being thrown in the dungeon?all because of the captain of the guards, a miller's daughter, and a whole lot of straw.
Narrator: Our story begins on a rainy Friday afternoon in Rumpelstiltskin's office. Rumpelstiltskin was watching an old Sherlock Holmes movie on TV when the miller knocked on the door.
(Action: Miller knocks on an imaginary door; Rumpelstiltskin waves him in.)
Narrator: Rumpelstiltskin recognized him right away; his daughter had been in the news the last day or two. Rumor had it she'd been spinning straw into gold for the king.
Miller: I'm looking for a private eye.
Rumpelstiltskin: That's me. Have a seat.
(Action: Rumpelstiltskin opens a can of pop and pours the miller a glass. The miller sips his drink.)
Rumpelstiltskin: So, what's the problem?
Miller: (Sighs) It's my daughter. She's been kidnapped by the king.
Rumpelstiltskin: (Whistles) I can't believe that the king would kidnap anyone. He's a nice guy--if a little greedy. Can your daughter really spin straw into gold?"
Miller: (Shakes his head) Of course not. What fairy tale do you think this is?
Rumpelstiltskin: Then why would the king kidnap her?
Miller: Well, it all started when I went bowling with the father of Hansel and Gretel. I started bragging about my daughter and kind of got carried away. I mentioned how intelligent my daughter was, how beautiful she was, how . . . how she could spin straw into gold. That's when I saw the captain of the palace guard listening to what I was saying. I guess he told the king what I said and the king had her kidnapped. Now I need you to get my daughter out of the castle.
Rumpelstiltskin: I'll take the case.
(Action: The miller and Rumpelstiltskin shake hands.)
Narrator: After the miller left, Rumpelstiltskin walked to the king's castle.
(Action: Rumpelstiltskin walks in circles around the desk and chairs.)
Narrator: Along the way he thought about the case. The king was very greedy--he had once proclaimed that he'd marry anyone who could increase his stash of golden cash. That made the king a strong suspect. However, Rumpelstiltskin had had run-ins with the corrupt captain of the guards before--he'd once caught the captain taking a bribe from Puss in Boots. No telling what trouble he was up to now.
(Action: Happy comes onstage, places the "castle" sign on the desk and stands beside it.)
Narrator: Rumpelstiltskin stopped at the castle's guard house. His friend, Happy, was one of the king's guards. Happy, formerly of Snow White and the Seven Dwarves, had been the first really short person to become a royal guard.
Happy: What's up, Rump?
Rumpelstiltskin: Not much. How's the guarding life?
Happy: Not bad. It beats working for that spoiled Snow White, if you know what I mean.
Rumpelstiltskin: Happy, I need to see the king. I've got a case that involves him.
Happy: (Shakes his head.) No can do, bud. The captain of the guard said no one gets in today, and I'm doing just what he says. The captain's got a major case of hay fever and is in a nasty mood.
Rumpelstiltskin: Now why would hay fever be bothering him in the castle.
Happy: The captain found someone to spin straw into gold for the king. His Highness was so excited he ordered us to bring him every bit of straw in the kingdom for her to spin. One of the three pigs came by today?yelled at me because we even took down his straw house.
Rumpelstiltskin: You mean she's already spun all the straw in the kingdom into gold?
Happy: Yep. Seen it myself--straw goes in the main storage room at night, gold comes out the next day. The king's making a bundle. Shh, here comes the Captain.
(Action: The captain of the guards enters from back stage. There is dirt smudged on his uniform and face.)
Captain: (Yelling at Happy) What is he doing here?
Rumpelstiltskin: I'm looking for the miller's daughter. Have you seen her?
Captain: I don't talk to little creeps like you, Bumpestiltskin,
Rumpelstiltskin: Rumpelstiltskin. The name's Rumpelstiltskin.
Captain: Whatever. Happy, I don't trust this guy. Don't let him into the castle.
(Action: The captain walks offstage. Happy sighs unhappily.)
Rumpelstiltskin: Gee, did you get a whiff of the captain. He smelled like rotten fish.
Happy: Yeah, he's been getting dirty lately. I don't know why.
Rumpelstiltskin: Where's the miller's daughter?
Happy: She's in the storeroom, but you'd better stay away. You get anywhere near her and the captain will be after you like the Big Bad Wolf.
Narrator: Rumpelstiltskin thanked Happy, then walked back across the drawbridge.
(Action: Rumpelstiltskin walks about, looking at the castle, and shaking his head.)
Narrator: Things just didn't make sense. No one could spin straw into gold, but it sure sounded like that was happening. Rumpelstiltskin had to get in the castle to find the answer?but how? The walls of the castle were forty feet tall, and the recent rains had made them slick as ice. He looked down in the moat and watched water shoot out of a drainpipe.
Rumpelstiltskin: (Looking at the moat. Snaps his fingers) Bingo.
(Action: Happy and Rumpelstiltskin walk off stage. Rumpelstiltskin then walks on stage and begins squirming under the row of desks placed end-to-end at the back of the stage. The sign on the desk reads "sewer pipe."
Narrator: Later that night, after the rain had stopped, Rumpelstiltskin squirmed like a worm through the castle's drainpipe. Talk about disgusting--mushy garbage and dirty rats were everywhere. He even got a bath in three-day-old fish stew that someone dumped down the drain. Soon the small drainpipe connected to a larger pipe where Rumpelstiltskin stood up. It was super dark in there and Rumpelstiltskin slipped and fell onto some old, hard bags of trash.
(Action: Rumpelstiltskin stands up, trips and lands on the plastic bags.)
Narrator: Still, he kept climbing and eventually made it to the storeroom. As he eased the room's drainage gate up, it clanked gently onto the stone floor.
(Action: Rumpelstiltskin lifts an imaginary drainage cover, and "steps" out of the pipe. The miller's daughter is now sitting on one of the chairs by the desk. She has placed the sign "spinning wheel" on the desk.)
Miller's Daughter: Who's there?
Rumpelstiltskin: My name's Rumpelstiltskin. I'm a private eye. Your father sent me to help you."
Miller's Daughter: Great. I thought this crazy king was going to keep me here until not-so-happily ever after. (Action: She sniffs the air and fans her hand at Rumpelstiltskin.) Phew. You stink.
Rumpelstiltskin: Yeah well. Real-life rescues tend to be messier than in fairy tales."
Narrator: Rumpelstiltskin walked to the window and looked out.
(Action: Rumpelstiltskin looks out an imaginary window at the edge of the stage.)
Narrator: He knew the easiest escape would be to jump out the window into the moat. Then something hit him: The miller's daughter had supposedly been spinning straw into gold all night, but there was only a little bit of straw, and no gold, in the room.
Rumpelstiltskin: Aren't we missing something here? Where's the rest of the straw, and the gold?"
Rumpelstiltskin: Oh, the captain's already stashed the straw elsewhere. As for the gold, well, you'll be taking the blame for that.
Narrator: Rumpelstiltskin had been set up! He tried to run, but the woman grabbed him.
Miller's Daughter: (Yelling) I've got the thief. Guards, guards.
Rumpelstiltskin: No. I'm here to help you.
Miller's Daughter: I don't need your help. I'm going to be a queen.
(Action: The captain and a two guards walk into the room.)
Captain: Looks like we've caught the thief.
Rumpelstiltskin: I'm not a thief.
Captain: (Laughs) You made it easy, Bumpletallskin.
Rumpelstiltskin: (Irritated) Rumpelstiltskin. The name's Rumpelstiltskin.
Captain: Whatever. Anyway, I knew you couldn't pass up a good mystery.
Rumpelstiltskin: What's going on? Tricking the king into believing the miller's daughter can spin straw into gold isn't going to do anything for you."
Captain: We'll see. (To the guards) Arrest him.
Narrator: Rumpelstiltskin didn't panic; you don't get to be a private eye if you can't improvise. He pushed his shoe under some straw and flung it up into the captain's face.
(Action: Rumpelstiltskin kicks imaginary straw at the captain, who begins sneezing. The two guards try to help him.)
Rumpelstiltskin: Gotta love hay fever.
(Action: He stomps gently on the miller's daughter's shoe. She screams and let go of Rumpelstiltskin. He then runs off stage.)
Captain: Get him!
(Action: All characters exit the stage.)
Narrator: Rumpelstiltskin jumped out the window and fell forty feet straight down?right into the moat. After wading out, he ran for his life. The next morning he was on the lam. He hid in an apple tree on Old McDonald's farm, listening to his radio.
(Action: Rumpelstiltskin walks on stage, sits on one of the chairs and puts the sign "tree" on the desk. He holds a radio to his ear, listening.)
Radio Announcer: Flash! Rumpelstiltskin, a local private eye, is accused of stealing over twenty bags of gold from the treasury. The captain of the guards said that Rumpelstiltskin, who is currently on the run, will be caught shortly. (Rumpelstiltskin groans loudly to the news.)
Narrator: By now Rumpelstiltskin had figured everything out. The captain had used stolen gold from the treasury to convince the king that the miller's daughter could spin straw into gold. With Rumpelstiltskin accused of stealing the gold, it would be hard to prove that no new gold had been added to the treasury. Instead, the miller's daughter would marry the king, the captain would have a fortune in stolen gold, and Rumpelstiltskin would be the one going to the dungeon.
Rumpelstiltskin: How could I have been so stupid?
Radio Announcer: In other news, the king has announced that he will be marrying the miller's daughter.
(Action: Rumpelstiltskin groans even louder, maybe slaps his head stupidly. He leans back and falls out of the "tree." He stands up rubbing his butt, then reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a gold-painted coin.)
Rumpelstiltskin: How did that get in there? (Rumpelstiltskin thinks for a moment, then smiles.) I've got it!
Narrator: Suddenly, Rumpelstiltskin knew how to expose the captain as a thief, stop the king from marrying a con artist, and clear his name?all at the same time.
(Action: Rumpelstiltskin leaves the stage. All the other characters come onstage for the wedding. Various wedding guests sit in the background while the king and the miller's daughter stand side by side. The sign on the desk now reads "castle." All of the guests are whispering and talking.)
Narrator: Rumpelstiltskin hid out until the day of the king's wedding, then snuck into the castle. Rumpelstiltskin waited until the king and the miller's daughter were about to be married. Then he jumped out.
(Action: Rumpelstiltskin yells as runs onstage. The wedding guests stop whispering and stare at Rumpelstiltskin with shock in their eyes.)
Captain: You're under arrest, Wrinklesoftskin.
Rumpelstiltskin: Rumpelstiltskin. The name's Rumpelstiltskin!
Captain: Whatever.
Rumpelstiltskin: (Bowing dramatically) I have come to throw myself on the mercy of your majesty, and to return the stolen gold.
King: Very well. Please tell me where my gold is.
Rumpelstiltskin: Better than that--I'll show you.
Captain: Now wait a minute . . .
King: (Waves his hand to silence the Captain.) Hush.
(Action: Happy walks up and ties Rumpelstiltskin's hands together.)
Happy: I can't believe you did it.
Rumpelstiltskin: I might surprise you yet.
King: Now, lead us to the gold.
Rumpelstiltskin: The gold's in the castle.
(Action: The captain of the guard and the miller's daughter exchange worried looks. However, they join in with all the other characters in following Rumpelstiltskin as he walks circles on the stage.)
Narrator: Everybody followed Rumpelstiltskin as he walked from room to room in the castle. Rumpelstiltskin kept close to the captain and watched the captain's face for something.
Captain: You are trying my patience, Stumblestiltskin.
Rumpelstiltskin: The name's?oh, never mind. The gold's nearby; I just forgot which room.
Narrator: They descended the royal stairs, walked down a long hall.
(Action: The captain pulls out a handkerchief, takes a deep breathe, and sneezes.)
Rumpelstiltskin: The gold's in there. (Rumpelstiltskin point to an imaginary door.)
Captain: (Shakes his head nervously) Preposterous.
King: (To Happy) Open the door.
(Action: Happy turns an imaginary doorknob, and everyone crowds forward to look.)
King: Why, the room is full of straw. I don't understand. Where's my gold?
Happy: (Laughing) Of course! The captain said all the straw in the kingdom had been turned into gold. If that's true, what's this straw doing here?
(Action: The captain sneezes again.)
Rumpelstiltskin: The Miller's daughter didn't spin the straw into gold. The captain swapped the straw for the gold in the treasury, then blamed the theft on me.
King: Then where is my gold?
Rumpelstiltskin: Hidden in the drainpipes under the castle (Rumpelstiltskin pulls the gold coin from his pocket.) I fell on top of some of the bags climbing up here, and this must have slid in my pocket. Then I remembered how the captain smelled like old fish soup the other day?just like I did after climbing through the pipes. I figure he was hiding the gold there until the coast was clear.
(Action: The king frowns at the captain and the miller's daughter.)
Miller's daughter: It wasn't my fault. My father and the captain made me do it.
(Action: The miller, his daughter, and the captain begin yelling and arguing. The king motions for Happy and the guards to take them away. Everyone exits the stage, except for Happy.)
Narrator: The next day, Rumpelstiltskin came back to the castle.
Rumpelstiltskin: (To Happy) Congrats on the promotion to captain.
Happy: Thanks. Glad to know that you're not a thief.
Rumpelstiltskin: How's the king doing, now that he knows his gold-spinning bride was a fake.
Happy: (Shrugs) Actually, he's feeling great. The king just found out about this guy named Midas, who can give him the golden touch. The king thinks he'll be rolling in gold before the week is out.
Rumpelstiltskin: (Groans loudly. Then turns and speaks to the audience.) And that was the end of my story. However, it looked like the king would be keeping me busy for the next few happily ever afters?very busy. And that's nothing to sneeze at.
The End!
Copyright 1998 by Jason Sanford. Adapted from the story "Rumpelstiltskin, Private Eye" in Newfangled Fairy Tales, Book #2, published by Meadowbrook Press. This classroom theater version of "Rumpelstiltskin, Private Eye" is copyright 1999 by Jason Sanford.
Permission is given for individual school classes to perform this play and to make as many copies of the play as are needed for the students' use. All other reproduction and performance is prohibted under penalty of law without permission from Jason Sanford. For permission requests, e-mail Jason at lapthai@yahoo.com
